Personality patterns and personality disorders
Long term work to understand and change recurring, painful patterns in relationships, emotions and sense of self.
What is it?
Personality is the whole of how we see the world, experience our emotions and relate to others. Sometimes these ways of being, often shaped by early experiences, turn into rigid patterns that cause lasting difficulty for the person and those close to them. Borderline, narcissistic, avoidant, dependent or obsessive personality patterns are some of the terms used to describe these difficulties.
These terms are not meant to define a person, but to help understand what they are going through. Someone living with difficult personality patterns often carries a great deal of inner pain, and the ways they developed to cope with it over the years may no longer work. A diagnosis can only be made through a thorough, in person clinical assessment; this page is not a diagnostic tool.
Common signs
- Recurring breakups, intense conflict or a strong fear of abandonment in close relationships
- Intense emotions that shift quickly and feel hard to control
- An unstable sense of self, a feeling of emptiness or worthlessness
- Strong sensitivity to criticism, or avoiding people out of fear of rejection
- Sudden, impulsive actions that are later regretted
- The same kinds of problems showing up across different relationships and settings
These signs alone do not mean a diagnosis; an assessment takes place in an in person or online session.
How can therapy help?
Working with personality patterns usually takes time and consistency. Psychodynamic (psychoanalytically informed) therapy makes room to notice together how these patterns connect to past relationships and how they come alive within the therapy relationship itself. This awareness can help a person look at themselves and others more flexibly.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focuses on practical skills such as regulating intense emotions, finding alternatives to impulsive behaviour and setting healthier boundaries in relationships. Both approaches can be used in the same process. Every person's needs are different, and the pace is guided by the goals we set together.
Approaches I use in this area
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
A structured approach that looks at the link between thoughts, feelings and behaviour and works on changing unhelpful cycles.
Read more02Psychodynamic (psychoanalytically informed) therapy
An approach that explores how past experiences, relationship patterns and feelings outside our awareness shape the present.
Read moreWhen is extra support needed?
If you have thoughts of harming yourself, self harming behaviour or thoughts of ending your life, please contact a psychiatrist without delay. If you are in immediate danger, call 112 or go to the nearest emergency department. If intense mood swings, sleep or attention problems are also present, a psychiatric referral can help assess whether medication may be useful.
Frequently asked questions
Is a personality disorder permanent?
No. Personality patterns may feel fixed, but they are not closed to change. In therapy, many people find they can regulate their emotions better and struggle less in their relationships. The pace and shape of change differ from person to person.
How can I know if I have a personality disorder?
This cannot be known through online tests or by reading a web page. A diagnosis is made through a thorough, in person assessment by a mental health professional. What matters more than a label is understanding the difficulty you are going through.
How long does therapy take?
Work with personality patterns is usually long term and can take many months, sometimes longer. We review the process together at regular intervals and adjust it to your needs.
Every process is personal. Therapy does not guarantee a specific outcome, but it offers a safe space for change.
Related areas of work
- Relationship issues and couples therapyIndividual or couples sessions on communication, trust and recurring conflict.
- Self esteem and self worthWorking together to understand and strengthen how you see yourself, your inner critic and your sense of worth.
- Anger managementSupport to understand when and why anger rises, and to learn healthier ways of expressing it.
Whenever you feel ready, I am here
Get in touch with any questions or to book a session. You will usually hear back on the same day.